Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
From the author of MELVIN THE DRY CLEANING ZOMBIE, THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK and ROMANCE NOVEL comes another tasteless, tacky and laugh-out-loud parody.
As the official Royal Dragon Slayer of Fairytale Kingdom, Barth descends from a long line of monster-killing knights. There’s only one problem: Drag, the kingdom’s resident cross-dressing dragon, is also Barth’s best friend.
When the King orders Barth to kill Drag, Barth knows they have to flee the kingdom or else another knight will do the job. But after a beautiful witch begs Barth to stay and help rid the kingdom of a dreadful zombie curse, Barth discovers he may have found his true calling. Is he knight enough to stop the zombie outbreak, save his best friend and get the girl?
Approx 31,000 words
******Praise for MELVIN THE DRY CLEANING ZOMBIE******
"...filthy, trashy, and downright fun writing style that makes the stories in this book a true delight to read." Here Be Zombies
"...it will grab you and keep you in stitches." Book Wenches
*****Praise for ROMANCE NOVEL******
“I found this story to be hysterical from cover to cover.” Diana from Night Owl Romance, Night Owl Reviews Top Pick
“This parody will have you laughing out loud.” Melissa from Were Vamps Romance
“Oh PJ Jones, you had me at ‘skanky crotch’.” Penni from Favorite Thing Ever
“By the time I finished reading my sides were aching with laughter.” Orchid from Long and Short of it Reviews
“If you are a fan of good satire, this is definitely a book for you.” Wendy from You Gotta Read Reviews
said a word during the flight to the castle. The wizard was late finishing up the potion and the chefs still hadn’t boiled all the spaghetti. The moans outside the castle wall were getting louder. It was only a matter of time before the zombies breached the king’s security system. And now someone had let the little royal pain in the ass out of his nursery. “You?” Barth pointed at the teen. “I was hoping you’d turned into a zombie by now.” “I have an aversion to water.” He shrugged. “So I can
had been working on a potion to regrow the king’s testicles, but so far their ruler had proven immune to every antidote. What if Douchebagga’s potion shrunk the balls of all the men and beasts in the kingdom? The dating pool of eligible bachelors would shrink considerably. And there would go Heather’s fantasy of some valiant knight saving her from a mundane life as an underpaid witch’s apprentice. “Oh, Douchebagga,” Heather groaned. “Won’t you reconsider?” “No!” The old witch stomped her foot.
matter-of-factly. “She was a zombie. Drag toasted her.” Wolf blew out a breath of air. “Most excellent, dude.” He held up a paw and gave Barth a high-five. “What are you going to tell Grandma?” Barth asked as they both continued up the hill. “I’ll make up some shit about a quest.” The wolf laughed. “Maybe she hooked up with a bunch of hobbits and had to go destroy a ring to save mankind. Sounds totally wicked, right?” “I think that was in a book already.” Barth’s voice trailed off as his jaw
“Hey, Drag, TMI!” He turned toward Heather. “What happened to your broom?” “I don’t know.” She scratched her scalp and wrinkled her brow to demonstrate her confusion. “It keeps acting up. I need to take it in for repairs, but those damn mechanics charged me a fortune last time and I’m strapped for cash.” “Tell me about it,” Barth groaned. “I just spent my last coin on ale.” Heather instantly perked. “I know a beer making spell.” “You do?” Barth and Drag echoed in unison. Barth coursed
set on the counter and strode for the exit, pretending not to notice the other patrons leering at him. Once outside, Barth walked past the little medieval cliché looking buildings lining the cobblestone street: The apothecary’s shop, the seamstress, the baker… most of which had gone out of business thanks to the king’s new Mega Super Value Medieval Mart. The Medieval Mart was on the opposite end of town, next to the king’s ornate castle. Barth tried to avoid that area, mostly because if the king