Mark Twain's Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race
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it would have been foolhardy in the extreme to venture into the street, the mud being at that place from thirty to ninety feet deep on a level, to say nothing of the water. 38 MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS UC_Twain-Helpful_Hints.qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 39 The wagon made another start, and plowed along desperately until it reached the monument (the ﬁrst one from Farmington avenue—the one erected to a street commissioner during the middle ages for promising to quit repairing the street—which
time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show oﬀ; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn’t break my bonds. To-day it is all of sixty years since I began to smoke the limit. I have never 114 MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS UC_Twain-Helpful_Hints.qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 115 bought cigars with life-belts around them. I early found that those were too expensive for me. I have always bought cheap cigars—reasonably cheap, at any rate. Sixty years
properly revered cat—may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?” In the library of their house in Hartford, Connecticut, the Clemenses added a brass plate to the ﬁreplace, inscribed, “The ornament of a house is the friends 6 MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS UC_Twain-Helpful_Hints.qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 7 who frequent it.” Over the years, in that house and in rented villas and town homes, and ﬁnally in the last house Clemens built for himself, Stormﬁeld in Redding,
suitable to youth—something didactic, instructive; or something in the nature of good advice. Very 134 MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS UC_Twain-Helpful_Hints.qxd 6/22/04 8:21 AM Page 135 well; I have a few things in my mind which I have often longed to say for the instruction of the young; for it is in one’s tender early years that such things will best take root and be most enduring and most valuable. First, then, I will say to you, my young friends—and I say it beseechingly, urgingly— Always
could not have persuaded us to do it. We sat up the rest of the night playing cribbage and keeping a sharp lookout for the enemy. “The tarantula.” From the ﬁrst American edition of Roughing It, chapter 21. 172 MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS UC_Twain-Helpful_Hints.qxd 6/22/04 8:22 AM Page 173 + Burglary and the Well-Tempered Householder ∂ (from a 1906 autobiographical dictation) Among the items Mark Twain lost in this burglary, which seems to have occurred in February 1882, was his overcoat.