Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Applying for a job is stupid. It is a demeaning, humiliating exercise in learning to grovel in front of faceless strangers. Everyone who has ever sent a job application letter has felt the urge, the temptation to say what they really think. To say something completely insane, or to be brutally honest. With 2007’s Overqualified, Joey Comeau acted on those urges and delivered a book collecting his cover letters. “It’s sad and fragmented and, in places, funny,” the L.A. Times said. But even after the dozens of insane, hilarious, and sometimes strangely sad job application letters, he still didn’t get the job. So he’s at it again. A person needs to work, you know? But he’s had to step things up a bit. Were the letters not insane enough? Was he not sad or stupid enough? Did he not threaten to bite as many CEOs as he should have? There’s only one way to find out: OVERQUALIFIEDER.
and three charges of racism from Irish midgets I allegedly referred to as “my North Pole leprechauns.” They charged me with theft, too, when they found my bag of toys hidden away behind the lockers. When I became unemployed I had nowhere else to go. I got very hungry, very fast, and took to sneaking into people’s 17 houses, looking for milk and cookies. That’s all I ever took, no matter what the police reports said. Milk and cookies. The Jones family filed a fraudulent insurance claim, and
school, there was a shooting in Colorado. Thirteen dead and twenty-three wounded. Children killed by other children. I spent a lot of time sitting in front of the television with the sound off. I found your address on the Internet, RAND, and I wrote you the following letter. “I don’t understand about Columbine. Please write back.” I know exactly what it said, RAND, because it came back to me unopened. I still have it. Two years later, when two planes full of people flew into the side of those
seamlessly to transplantation services, and I think you will agree. While at Ford I’ve also led a team in designing a system for locating defects in the assembly line vehicles. It is a waste of resources and time to assemble vehicles that are not up to standard, and I wonder if this philosophy might not be something that the medical world is ready to embrace. What it all comes down to is this: I am a resourceful and innovative programmer. I am not afraid of learning new things, and I know when
dated the prettiest girls. Like, once, in college. I met a pretty girl who was a lesbian. Everyone told me that it would just break my heart to fall in love with her, that I was wasting my time, that I was asking for trouble. Well, within a week she had fallen for me. And there was no trouble at all. Her love for me overwhelmed her and she forgot all about her distaste for the immediate facts of the matter (if you will). We’re still happily married. We have kids. Two, I guess. A boy and a girl.
months I guess their titties just start scratching at the door and yowling, and they need to be appeased. Titties can be like rabid fucking animals, man. They claw at the carpet and they tear shirts down to the navel. I am an animal too. I can’t stop thinking about them. Their titty pheromones get stuck in my head. They get in through my face. What I am supposed to be thinking about? A house? Two and a half children? A nice quiet family plot on a hill down at the graveyard? TITTIES TITTIES