Pretty Good Joke Book: A Prairie Home Companion

Pretty Good Joke Book: A Prairie Home Companion

Garrison Keillor

Language: English

Pages: 367

ISBN: 1598879111

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

A treasury of hilarity from one of America’s favorite radio shows. A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, “Where is the bar tender?” Drum roll. The Fifth Edition of the perennially popular Pretty Good Joke Book is everything the first four were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (The nice thing about Alzheimer’s is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when A Prairie Home Companion fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first Pretty Good Joke Book was born. With 362 new jokes (more or less), the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone—fans of the radio show or not—will enjoy.

Zuleika Dobson: Or, An Oxford Love Story (Neversink)

Bunter The Racketeer (Billy Bunter, Book 42)

Pointless Conversations: Are You Going to Heaven? (Pointless Conversations, Book 7)

The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes

The Ginger Man












when you stand next to her, you hear the ocean! Yo’ mama is so poor, she went to McDonald’s and put a milk shake on layaway. Yo’ mama is so poor, she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning. Yo’ mama is so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, “Moving.” Yo’ mama is so poor, when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken, she has to lick other people’s fingers!! Yo’ mama is so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says, “Ding!”

up and says, “Hey, buddy, if you don’t mind me asking—why the long no’s?” A pair of jumper cables walked into a bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said, “Okay, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.” So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra. Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?” A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, what

the German shepherd is a Seeing Eye dog, walks into the bar, and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, “Sorry—we don’t allow dogs in here.” And the man says, “It’s okay—it’s my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender laughs and says, “This Chihuahua is your Seeing Eye dog?” And the guy says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?” A pork chop goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender

her back.” A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral. He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional. After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, “May I help you, my son?” “I dunno,” comes the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. “You got any toilet paper on your side?” A thief breaks into a bar and is heading right for the cash register when he hears a voice behind him say, “God is watching.” He turns around, but he doesn’t see anything, so he goes

men couldn’t stand it any longer and asks the bartender, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?” “Here’s my story. I’m a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime—wine, liquor, beer, all the same.” “Wow!! That’s quite a story,” says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at

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