Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake
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How do you outwit a Twit?
Mr. and Mrs. Twit are the smelliest, nastiest, ugliest people in the world. They hate everything—except playing mean jokes on each other, catching innocent birds to put in their Bird Pies, and making their caged monkeys, the Muggle-Wumps, stand on their heads all day. But the Muggle-Wumps have had enough. They don't just want out, they want revenge.
bundle of old clothes and a pair of shoes?” Mr. Twit put on a very solemn face. “At the rate you’re going,” he said, shaking his head sadly, “I’d say not more than ten or eleven days.” “But isn’t there anything we can do?” cried Mrs. Twit. “There’s only one cure for the shrinks,” said Mr. Twit. “Tell me!” she cried. “Oh, tell me quickly!” “We’ll have to hurry!” said Mr. Twit. “I’m ready. I’ll hurry! I’ll do anything you say!” cried Mrs. Twit. “You won’t last long if you don’t,” said Mr.
to do everything upside down. They had to dance upside down (on their hands with their feet in the air). They had to play football upside down. They had to balance one on top of the other upside down, with Muggle-Wump at the bottom and the smallest baby monkey at the very top. They even had to eat and drink upside down and that is not an easy thing to do because the food and water has to go up your throat instead of down it. In fact, it is almost impossible, but the monkeys simply had to do it
town right away and we’ll buy a gun each! How’s that?” “Brilliant!” cried Mrs. Twit, grinning and showing her long yellow teeth. “We’ll buy those big shotguns that spray out fifty bullets or more with each bang!” “Exactly,” said Mr. Twit. “Lock up the house while I go and make sure the monkeys are safely shut away.” Mr. Twit went over to the monkey cage. “Attention!” he barked in his fearsome monkey-trainer’s voice. “Upside down all of you and jump to it! One on top of the other! Quick! Get on
the Roly-Poly Bird flying in after them, with a bucket in his beak and a brush in his claw. The Great Glue Painting Begins “This is the living room,” announced Muggle-Wump. “The grand and glorious living room where those two fearful frumptious freaks eat Bird Pie every week for supper!” “Please don’t mention Bird Pie again,” said the Roly-Poly Bird. “It gives me the shudders.” “We mustn’t waste time!” cried Muggle-Wump. “Hurry up, hurry up! Now the first thing is this! I want everyone to
and I went on talking about it?” “I do beg your pardon,” said Muggle-Wump. “I’m so excited I hardly know what I’m saying. Now the chairs! Do the same with the chairs! All the chairs must be stuck upside down to the ceiling! And in their right places! Oh, do hurry up, everybody! Any moment now, those two filthy freaks are going to come rushing in with their guns!” The monkeys, with the birds helping them, put glue on the bottom of each chair leg and hoisted them up to the ceiling. “Now the